If you read my recent post from Turkey, you know I was scammed and suckered. Played the fool, punked.
Well, it happened again. I now realize that the entire country of Slovenia is an elaborate hoax set up to make me feel better after what happened in Turkey. I should thank someone but I just don’t know who to thank.
I had been traveling in this absolutely gorgeous country for a few days marveling at just about everything which made it seem like I was in some grand edition of Disney where I must have somehow snuck past the turnstiles. But things were really after several days of this starting to look a little suspect. The shark was jumped when I arrived at the picture perfect coastal village of Koper. As I walked around the cozy cobblestone streets which – like every other picture perfect village in this “country” (or film set… Whatever) once again not a scrap of trash to be seen in a busy port town. Come on, really? But the whole scam jumped the shark when I reached the marina.
The water was perfect blue. There wasn’t a scrap of trash and there wasn’t any oil floating on the water. In fact, the boat lines had no algae on them. Really. The mooring ropes were clean. Please take this photo as evidence:
This was the last straw.
For the previous week I had accepted all of the items below which finally had the cover blown off them – I submit to you:
– The capital city looks like the complete version of Disney’s magical castle area (I think it’s fantasy land) …. Except it’s supposedly real. And it’s really a few hundred years old. Of course there is a castle on the hill overlooking it. .. of course
– every road in Slovenia is perfectly paved. It’s the polar opposite of Madagascar.
– the cars drive perfectly. Speed limits are obeyed, all signals are adhered to, speed limits are followed, no one uses the horn ever, turning signals are apparently always used.
– water so clear in every place that you think it’s glass ….
– except for the fact that it’s either the craziest clear green or clear aquamarine you’ve ever seen.
– They have alps. Really tall, really beautiful, really green …. alps.
– Without question Slovenia has the coolest caves that you have ever seen. Gigantic caves with rives running through them hundreds of feet in both height and length.
– every village in Slovenia looks like a set for a “Lord of the Rings” movie (These photos are all different villages)
– you can’t drive more than 15 minutes without coming across a medieval castle or town. More than likely perfectly framed in front of a gorgeous mountain.
– One of the castles is actually in the cave.
– Other castles rest high about perfect blue lakes that have mini islands that have perfect churches on them …. how quaint.
– You can drive into Italy in less than 20 minutes – and of course along the way you might see a medieval fortress that you can wander around in. Of course.
– everyone in the country understanding at least basic English, most being nearly fluent.
– the wifi works great all over. Even in hostels in tiny villages.
– Delicious, world class and yet home cooked food everywhere you look ….. that’s also pretty inexpensive.
– There’s a wine region – it looks like I think Italy’s wine region does – with castles of course.
– all roads are clearly labeled and every destination name seems to appear exactly when needed. No Google maps required.
– beaches, mountains, caves, rivers, cities and villages and nothing is more than a three hour drive from anywhere. Let me bold that one to emphasize – there is no drive of more than 3 hours to get to any of these places in this country. Now tell me THAT doesn’t scream ‘movie set’. Right?
– there appear to be 3 homeless people in the entire country.
– it was cloudy and cool for two days when that was exactly what I needed after a month of 95 degrees.
– The cities on the coast look like Venice with those cute old buildings and more castles and towers.
But the cleanliness of the harbor was just too much. I am sorry to whoever the “Truman show” genius that put this together for me. The gig is up. Turn the cameras off. I’m on to you. I’m going full skepto on you. Come out from behind the curtain. Now!
……. Waiting…… Waiting…….
You know I really should have realized it thinking after the fact this is not possible but – there are no brown fields in Slovenia. It’s green everywhere. I mean Everywhere.
While I am waiting I should add that it should have been been a giveaway. I’m guessing that budget wasn’t high enough to pay for a really convincing number of extras so the serious lack of “tourists” should have tipped me off. The one or two bus loads of Asians I saw at a couple of spots just doesn’t cut it. The place is gorgeous and there’s just not enough tourist traction – hardly any.
Once again – there are 1/2 as may tourists here than in any other place that we have been so far. Right.
So, the takeaway is this. If I were once again a sucker and I was asked “Where would you go for a two week vacation” and I wasn’t ahead of this Ruse, I would tell you to go to Slovenia. You would come back, call me an jerk and show me pictures of a giant, flat, brown field with nothing on it. I’m sure of it. The prop crew would have pulled it all down, the extras who played the ‘locals’ would be gone and the ‘Mark in Slovenia’ show would be making the rounds on the reality outlets.
So I’m not gonna go there. Guess what? Water isn’t this color and you can’t drink it in real life …….
Don’t go to Slovenia. It’s fake.
Here are a few more photos to wrap this legend up – you decide …… and until next time The Curious Adventure continues …..